What is more importante: the Lock or the Key?

The blackness of despair is growing in the light of the others
No turning back from all that has a been
Where do you go from here
How do you climb up from a bottomless pit if you have not yet landed

Staying within the frames of sanity to keep the surroundings in place
Looking through the keyhole
Never opening the door
Locked up is the true image of yourself and she has swallowed the key.

Looking around in the house that I will be leaving, for ever, in eight days, I realise that nothing of me is in it. Just a few items that do not say anything about me:

some clothes,
5 books,
1 laptop
a few notepads
1 snowboard
1 knife
and that is basically it...

Still my bags will overflow as I pack them into the car and leave the shell of the home was sheltering me short while.

When you move, it is like when leaving a coffee shop. Although you have been sitting there for a while creating new memories, as you leave that is all you are. All the traces of you will be cleared away and no one will know what you were, are or will become.

I am just one
and that is all

"I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people."

Mohandas Karamachand Gandhi

How I Despice Lies

When is a lie is acceptable?

I would say never.
Lies just stops the ability to trust people. If someone want to be trusted , and they trust you in return. they would not lie to you. I guess the main reason behind lies is that the liar does not trust the person lied to, and this lie makes the person lied to not to trust the liar, no matter how small the lie is.
"If the lie about this, what else have they lied about"

I do not understand this need to lie. If your daughter's dog had to be put down, why tell her that the dog was sent to a big farm where he can chase sheep and have the time of his life? Isn't this your opportunity to explain about life and death to your daughter so that she won't fear death like so many others do?

My problem is that I usually can tell when people lie, but I would not confront them about it... probably because I already lost some of my trust in them. It doesn't do any good to ask for the truth if what they've chosen to present to you is the lie. I always try to give the liar an opportunity to tell the truth, but for some reason the lie just grows.

So why do people lie?

Some of the time it is to not hurt someone, but most of the time it is for selfish reasons: to avoid conflict, or to avoid to be forced to make a choice that they don't know the outcome of, or are not ready to face the consequences of. Why do they not realise that the lies always hurt so much more than the truth ever will...

Maybe we just lost the ability to talk to one another when they evolved from
wherever we came from. Is the Lie then what separate us from the animals, the reason why humans decided that they are the masters of the world? Could you say that our whole existence a lie? Or is that another assumption.

For the safety of others??

Anybody who has watched Bourne Identity probably knows what this is... the "new" martial art that I am trying to learn how to use. It kind of started out that I needed to learn how to defend myself in my work place, but this is probably not the kind of thing I should be using at work. It will be very good to know whenever I will travel to a dodgy country, or am in a rough pub (why I would be in one is another question, but you never know), it could just be that someone decides to rob me. Then it will be useful!

For work: I will probably just wait until the self defence course is provided as promised.

The martial art is known as Keysi and has been developed by Justo Dieguez who grew up on the streets in Spain. To survive he had to know how to defend himself, and the thing you need to protect the most is your head. The fighting method is based around the fact that you are trying to protect your head at all times, and you learn how to fight from most positions... lying down, in the car, in the dark, a.s.o.

I am enjoying it, and our trainer is such a nice and funny guy, who really takes this sport serious. It is hard work, and most of the time it doesn't feel like I've done enough of my homework to actually progress, but somehow I do, but oh so slowly. Tomorrow I have another session... have I done enough practise?

Only the weekend left

I can not believe that the week has gone already!

What have I done this week that it's all gone?

Returned the books to the libraries, gone swimming, gone to the gym, done some Keysi and tried to get the kite up in the air.

At least I started with the mountain boarding. Awesome! It will be great when I've got the hang of it and it is time to try it with me at the end of a kite. All practise for the snow kiting that will occur (hopefully) during the Christmas holidays.

Well... I'd better be off to bed so that I can face another day off before it all starts again

Animal or human

How in the world am I supposed to express how I feel, when I never felt this before?

Should I just try to say it, maybe I could show it in my actions, or am I better off if I pretend like nothing has changed...

Feelings is what is supposed to seperate us from the animals, so if you can't express it are you then an animal, or is it the fact that we feel it that makes us human? How on earth do we know that animals do not feel? I bet they do, but can't express themselves all of the time.

Munchkin, Baby Pumpkin

Yesterday I carved my very first pumpkin, as a part of my job...

Accidentally it looks a bit like Kyle.. But, hey, what can you do? There must have been a higher force guiding my hand to carve the pumpkin into that shape.

What can it mean?
Is it a sign?
Where does it lead?
Am I now doomed to only carve South Park characters?

The upside with the job is all the fun I have. We do play a lot, even though the majority of the time there are to many things going on that disturbs the harmony, the ding.

This was done for the International Mask Festival 19 - 27 October. I am really looking forward to going, if I can get tickets that is...

My stress is my own

My boss wants me to start talking to a counsellor, since the main reason behind my stress is my job... but what is there to say? I am stressed and just need to get the tension out of my body. The headaches, the pains in my back and the constant tiredness will not really go away just by talking. Why not give me a massage???

I have tried it all before, and I do agree that it can be nice to get things off your chest, but it does NOT make you less stressed! Some get surprised that I am stressed, because apparently people find me quite calm. I guess that my stress is internal. I have tried and tried to find a way... to find somewhere to channelise all the stress that is constrained within my outer image.

Some people smoke or drink, maybe they do meditation or therapy, change their jobs or go on a holiday. I have gone back to the thing that has helped me in the passed. Loud, hard music...

So I say to you in more than one way:


Mein Herz Brennt!

Who am I to think that I actually have anything to say?

Some people are actually surprised that I don't talk that much (I don't know where they got it from that I would).

I can though, when in company of only one. I don't feel that I have that much to say, and if there is another person that can entertain the company, I just sit back and relax. Maybe because I enjoy observing more than I enjoy interaction.

Watching and knowing what will happen next, or (more rarely) get surprised. It is a bit like reading detective stories. Most of the time you know who the murderer is, but occasionally be totally wrong. That is the pleasure with observing I guess, the few times that you are wrong about people and the really surprise you.